December 31, 2019.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Dalam sedar tak sedar, esok akan menempuh tahun yang baru. Angka umur jugak akan bertambah lagi satu angka. Menjadi 26 tahun. Inipun dah dua puluh lima tahun setengah hidup. Lagi setengah tahun sahaja sebelum genap usia.

I'm writing this as of a record to myself. If ever I have to look back to this year in a glance, of what has it becomes.

2019. Bukanlah tahun yang semuanya indah-indah atau tahun yang cuma perkara bahagia sahaja yang terjadi. Macam biasa, ada jugak fasa-fasa turun naiknya berselang-seli. Tapi apa yang aku paling, paling pasti setahun ini adalah setahun yang sangat-sangat perlu disyukuri untuk nikmat dan rahmat-NYA ke atas diri dan keluarga.

Kalau ikutkan azam paling besar nak berkahwin 2019 tak tercapai. Lesenpun masih belum ada lagini. Travelpun, masih belum ke mana juga. Hahah. Tapi, azam-azam yang lain alhamdulillah tak perlu nak carry forward dah. Banyaknya yang lebih melibatkan orang lain. Keluarga dan kawan-kawan.

Dalam ada hajat dan impian yang belum sampai dan dicapai. Banyak jugak sepanjang 2019 ni yang Tuhan izinkan terjadi, menjadi nikmat dan kerahmatan. Melalui kesatuan keluarga, keberadaan kawan-kawan, kesihatan yang baik ke atas mereka dan apa-apa sahaja kegembiraan mereka yang akhirnya menjadi kegembiraan diri sendiri semula and of so many things more. At least, 2019 lebih banyak warna-warni obviously. Tambah pulak sesudah menyambung master ni.

From sate, to supplier sandwich di koperasi umi to sambung belajar.

From family busy dengan gerai, abah kerja Gombak, sampailah ditukarkan semula ke Putrajaya then Aiman tamatkan STPM dan kita lebih banyak masa bersama, berusrah baca kitab hadis pagi-pagi, gotong royong macam nak hari-hari. Hahah.

From member yang ada kepada member baru dan dijumpakan balik dengan kenalan lama (plg lama, aku jumpa bff masa darjah 2. Lol walaupun dia tak ingat aku. Who cares, asalkan aku ingat).

From ada habit yang tak bagus, kepada finally getting rid of that said bad habit (biiznillah). Fuh alhamdulillah. Na'udzubillah taknak sangkut dah dengan habit tu.

From self language lesson to kuliah-kuliah berkenaan ekonomi Islam.

From tulis dalam blog, meroyan di twitter, expressive di fb/IG kepada sangat kurang posting, kepada lebih seratus puisi-puisi di Farezfuisi dan dpt online published Puisi-Puisi Emosi (complete).

From tidur yang nyenyak sampai subuhpun terlajak, kepada series of tahajud dan qiamullail dan segala nangis-nagis atas sejadah  (biiznillah)

Untuk kawan-kawan yang masih ada. Baik yg ada jasadnya mahupun semangatnya. Semoga Tuhan terus jaga. (yang ni kena carry forward).

Dan Syahida yang masih dalam ingatan.
Yang pokok di pusaranya tetap sama merimbun dan lebat. Semoga begitulah sampai bila-bila. Semoga ingatan terhadap dia tetap membawa kami dekat sesama kami dan dekat jugak kepada-NYA.

Of every single thing.
2019 is indeed a blessing.

Farewell 2019.

Kalau tidak menghargai sekecil-kecil kenikmatan. Tak akanlah menyukuri sebesar-besar pemberian Tuhan. Semoga kita semua tergolong dalam golongan yang sedikit. Yakni golongan yang mensyukuri nikmat.

P.s. tak ada pencapaian yang besar. Hajat umipun belum sampai juga, nak berumrah. Doakan ya. Aamiin.

슬픈 사랑 : Sad Love

Hi there,

(if there's any).

Okay let's get this stuff straightaway outta my head. Been thinking about this one friend since ever I could remember.

Lama betul rasanya dia saja dalam kepala. Most probably sebab menjelang tahun terakhir di universiti dulu aku banyak perabis masa dengan dia. Thou I'm the one lah yang duk beria-ria, kan. But, regardless. I bet likely now I'm missing all those times I had spent together (with him). That had make me feel someway. Especially these days. 

And plus. Dalam banyak-banyak kenalan, dia paling susah aku nak reach out to, nak bertanya khabar, nak bersembang nak mendapatkan feel serupa macam dulu kala. At least kalau aku rindu orang lain tu, dandan bokeh lunas terus. Aku tak tertahan-tahan pulak dengan fikiran sendiri yang bukan-bukan. Agaknya (?)

Susah nak reach out to, tu mungkin sebab aku punya twisted mind-lah. Sepatutnya whatsapp je lah kan. My bad. Tapi entahlah. Rasa mcm kalau whatsapp nanti, ibarat datang tak berjemput balik tak berhantar begitu. Maaflah. Teruk betul ada fikiran macam ini dengan kenalan sendiri.

Tapi benda yang tidak terlunas, itulah yang makin hari makin bertunas. Benda? Rindulah kan tu.

Gila tak rindu? Dia nilah yang kaki membebel suruh kemas bilik JKPS dulu petang-petang (tapi time tu orang lain pulak tak ada. Aku je lah yang dapat laba. Haaaa ~) dan yang end up tolong kemaskan juga kemudiannya (setelah menegur tu). Orang lain tak tahu manapun. Tahu² balik, tongkang pecah sudah kembali jadi bilik. 

Seperti beberapa orang lagi kenalan dari universiti yang rapat dengan aku, dia tak terkecuali ikut bagi pandangan dan nasihat dalam banyak hal. Inilah, yang kalau diingat balik sekarang, memang terhutang budi sangat. Manakan terlunaskan.

So basically dia ni aku kenal awal2 dulu sebab dia datang untuk wall climbing. Zaman aku jadi budak kembara, dan dia datang untuk cuba-cuba. Sembang pasal kuku weh. How odd that sound, nahh tapi sampai harini aku rasa kuku itulah yang tercantik sekali. Tak, kuku lelaki masalahnya ni. Haruslah aku teruja. Dan lepastu jumpa masa Evec Family Day dan yada³... Jumpa di situ dan di sini sampai akhirnya jadi kawan seangkatan. Sebab satu batch dan satu kolejkan. That's explain why.  

Dia ialah, orang yang bagi nasihat masa aku sangat-sangat-sangat perlukan teguran. Tak silap aku, zaman mental breakdown is zaman pegang jawatan yang kemudian ada konflik pula sesama ahli lain yang berjawatan. Masa itu teguran dia macam berdas-das peluru tu dia head shot-kan aku. Sebab straightforward, jenis pesan suh gi balik mengaji baiki balik hubungan dengan Tuhan. Gila aku tak tergamam. Dapat nasihat rupa itu sem awal-awal jugak tu. Member lelaki aku zaman universiti, tak nampak thiqah pun sorang-sorang. Dengan aku, aku sekali macam entah hape-hape.  So awal-awal memang takde expectations. Tapi sebab yang dia bagi nasihat tu lah, baru aku ni celik sikit dari kusut waktu itu. Sumpah memang asbab. Memang lekat dalam kepala. Dia yang teman makan, yang panggil aku teman dia makan.  Yang jeling orang macam mak tiri. Yang suka melukis, yang weird esfak, yang sarkastik, yang gi mandi sungai-swimming pool bbq-berkelah sama-sama. Yang aku tunggu habis kerja masa peskon-30, yang aku hype gila nak berjalan ke peskon semata nak tunggu dia habis kerja. yang bawa kitorang #gegadisedinburgh tour obike (hampir) satu uni, yang teman aku sekali dua masa jaga lounge. Yang masakkan maggi bukan main beresipi lain dari orang; istimewa beno, yang naik Ferris wheel dengan aku lepas dihantarnya audio pekik jerit membalas whatsapp aku. Hahah. Tu dah sem hujung² tu.  Yang demam lembik macam hape haaa... Good sight lah. Sebab dia dah demam so tak kuasa jugak nak berleter-leterkan? Heh. Yang nampak garang (ke dengan aku je? Haih sebab kalau dengan orang lain, perempuan especially tak pernah dengar pulak aura mak tiri dia keluar), tapi aku optimis je dia ni jenis yang banyak beralah dengan orang. Sangat banyak tbh. Jenis tak lupa, tapi at the end of the day seorang dia akan take things as "let go jelah dari dipanjang-panjang". Kott lah. Mulut berat macam ada emas, tapi dia punya twisted mind mungkin lagi berbelit dari aku dengan kebimbangan yang maha banyaknya tak serupa macam dia punya luaran dan kesenyapan tu. Dia yang tukang komen bila aku memasak. Adeje tau garam gula tak kena dengan rasa lidah.

Yang teman berjalan dengan aku zaman aku kerja mini mart, sambil teman lepastu siap warning aku supaya jangan terlalu percayakan org lain. Dengan dia-dia sekalipun jangan terlalu percaya. Sebab ada masa, semua orangpun ada bahagian setannya, katanya. 

Siotlah, menangis pulak.

Dah tua-tuapun aku sendu lagini. Macam tak kena kan? Sebab tengah demam ek, suey dan swing jadinya aku. 

Banyak lagilah benda yang kalau ditaip bukan main panjang lagi jadinya. Yang itulah, yang inilah. Yang pandai menari. Yang pandai melukis. Yang pandai mengomen. Ada sekali tu berpakat pakai bedak sejuk sama-sama lagi. Wah yakinnya aku berpakat yang macam itu. Yang dah berbuih mulut kalau bab ingatkan aku jangan jadi bodoh sgt dok sukakan orang yang end up mempergunakan aku. Tapi aku macam gitu jugaklah. Lima sem haukk dok tak berubah. 

(sumpahlah) Rindu teruk. 

Buat malu je kan.

Banyaknya yang aku (pilih) ingat adalah jasa-jasa dia dekat aku. Dan sejujurnya entah setimpal atau tidak apa yang aku bagi balik pada dia sepanjang perkenalan? 

Sebab rasa teruk, dan tetap tak berkeyakinan nak whatsapp (atas adalah entah-apalah sebabnya) maka aku taip di sini. Harap lepas hambur-muntah, tidakla sendu (baca: rindu) lagi macam gila. Macam bodohpun ada.

Dah dewasa worthy lagi perasaan-perasaan semacam ini? Hm.

P.s. Semoga Allah balas balik mana yang baik-baik dengan kebaikan yang terbaik di sisi DIA. Semoga Allah bagi engko jadi orang yang baik atau tidakpun yang tak give up untuk jadi baik, kesihatan yang baik, peace at heart and ease at mind (wah sukahati je aku reka ayat), jadi macam yang aku kenallah. Atau better. Silalah ketawa selalu² macam yang dalam gambar tu. 

Self claim : entri ni obviously dari pihak aku sahaja dan dari sudut pandang aku. Kalau kata dia tak recall, iyalah tu. Kalau dia tak high regard aku macam aku high regard diapun logik. Sebab seseorang ni ingat apa yang dia nak ingat. Dia kepada aku, mcmtu. Aku kepada dia, cerita lain. Dan terserahlah.

He's a gentlemen, and cute in someway. Such charm works on me. Thou, scary in some other way, pun boleh jadi.

Akupun berani gebang ginipun sebab dekat blog sendiri je ni.

Thanks. Sangat-sangat. 

A du'a of mine

Biasanya di malam-malam sebelumnya yang tidak boleh segera lelap dan lena, fikiran aku akan lebih terisi dengan risau tidak tentu hala, sejenis bimbang yang dipanjang-panjang entah hape-hape. Salahkan diri sendiri, yang suka memikir semua perkara dalam satu-satu masa. Lebih-lebih lagi memikirkan hal-hal sekitar yang bukan dalam jangkauan kemampuan diri sendiri (tentang bagaimana nak menguruskannya atau mendepaninya), lebih-lebih lagi memikirkan urusan mendatang (yang sedangkan esok lusapum belum dijamin hidup. Tapi berfikir sakan, macam.. "Yakinnya kamu," gitu).

Tetapi malam tadi, tak semena-mena ter-sentimental pula. Sebak sebab terdetik betapa khilafnya diri sendiri. Khilaflah, dok meletak bimbang di bahu sendiri. Sedangkan apa-apa perkarapun sepatutnya konsepnya adalah diserahkan kepada Allah swt. Apa yang ditakdir terjadi tetap akan terjadi. Dan apa yang tidak, akan tidak terjadi jika Allah berkehendak. It's a groundless worries. Berbanding risau yang sampai susah nak lena, adalah elok convert setiap satunya sebagai doa. Sejenis self-realization sambil berbaring. Itu yang, lalu sebak.

Dan dalam banyak-banyak hal yang dirisau. Itulah, salah satunya yang dah ditukar jadi doa. Doa dulu, lalu ditaip balik. Kalau ikut dalam kepala lagi berkecamuk susunannya. Apapun, kurang lebih begitulah harapannya.

Dan banyak lagi. Semoga setiap hal yang dibimbangkan, kelak dapat ditukar jadikan doa dan pengharapan. Semoga kalau jadi, Allah jadikan kita bersedia berdepan dengannya dan memberikan kekuatan. Begitu juga sebaliknya. Allah-lah sahaja tempat bergantung dan Allah, DIA sebaik-baik penolong. Hasbiallah wa ni'mal wakil, ni'mal mawla wa ni'mannasir. Allahumma aamin. 

I am never good enough

It feels off to feel upset at this age. Yet, I still do sometimes. Nah, quite oftentimes TBH I must say.

Suddenly this thought pop out in my head like how great it could be if I have this switch inside me so I could simply just switch off any upsetting feelings-thoughts or rage out of myself whenever I am experiencing it, whenever I am at it.

To be upset, is upsetting enough. But worse come to worse is when the feelings get draggy like from heavy to even heavier. Which from it just affecting my mood-myself, to me affecting others as well (as I am being emotional). I dislike this part much; where an upsetting matter ever get prolonged. ugh.  But i am not that good yet to avoid such. Thus, a switch will be very handful on me.

I really want to just snap out of it, like SNAP! — and it gone, and I am back to normal. Especially on productive days, moreover during my happy times, being upset might do a great damage and ended up ruining the whole thing.  I wish to know if there's any trick to just let go WHATEVER the matter are. Because I know none. The method I have seems not to work well on me.

Not to be too serious. I know even the best cure to the heart. Like reciting isti'azah, istighfar, reciting quran, solat, zikrullah. Yeah sure. Of course in a deeper and darker matter (even) I was out from it that I've done several indeed. Never felt like doubting those too. I still will do that the very same.

But a quick trick too, why not? Like the "all is well" spell thingy. Like I've mentioned above, a so called switch please. That you can just do it on-the-go, in a blink of eye. I wonder if others' have their own way of overcoming their upsetting thoughts and of ill feelings straight away. I am in need of any useful tips. Who knows it might helps me as well. Wanting to be better in upsetting-thought management. I am dead serious here ')

P.s. not sure about others, but closest people upsets me deeper. Logically, family does even more. So yeah, I don't want to get upset over them. Rights or wrong ain't really matter, but the right to obey-to maintain the silaturrahim is a certain order. Simply, I aspire to be better at that. For I am sure that I am not good enough. Not even closer to.

Masakan Makjah : Puding Roti Karamel Lemak Manis

Assalamualaikum.

Semalam dengan jayanya buat puding roti karamel. Memandangkan tak jumpa redipi simple yang lama, makanya mencuba cara baru. Alhamdulillah sambutan memberansangkan (LOL even dalam rumah je jamunya padehal). Bagi mengelakkan kelupaan, sebab cadang raya nanti nak buat lagi... makanya akan dikongsikan di sini, cembesolah.

So lets Puding Roti Karamel Lemak Manis

Bahan-bahan gula hangus / karamel:-

Gula 2-3 senduk
Air panas 3 sudu makan

Bahan-bahan puding :-

A-
Roti 3 ½ keping (diracik kecil)
Susu pekat ½ cawan
Susu sejat/cair 1 tin
Air suam 1 tin
Gula 2 sudu makan

B-
Telur 4 biji (dipukul kemudiam ditapis)
Esen vanila ½ sudu teh

Cara membuat :-

1. Panaskan periuk. Masukkan gula. Pastikan api sangat kecil supaya gula tak hangit. Agak agak gula dah mencair dan keperangan masukkan air panas dan gaul sampai betul-betul cair dan perang pekat.
2. Gula hangus yang dah menjadi, tutup api dan tuang gula segera ke dalam bekas/loyang hidangan. Pastikan ia melapisi seluruh permukaan bekas/loyang. Letak tepi.
3. Masukkan bahan A ke dalam blender dan blend halus sampai sebati semuanya.
4. Campurkan bahan B sebelum dimasukkan bahan ke dalam blender dan blend dengan bancuhan bahan A, sekadarnya agar sebati.
5. Tuang bahan-bahan puding yang dah di-blend semuanya ini ke dalam bekas hidangan yang ada lapisan gula hangus tadi.
6. Kukus selama 25-35 minit. Biar sejuk sekejap. Kemudian masukkan ke dalam peti. Dinginkan dan sedia untuk dihidangkan.

Masakan Makjah : Sambal Terung (Simple)

Hai. Assalamualikum
Salam 2 Ramadhan.

Pre P.S. Aku baru sudah buat dadih bandung ni haa. Thou, tak confident akan helok ka dak sbb ada ubah sukatan la apa. So kalau jadi, boleh up untuk posting next sharing #masakanmakjah.

Nevertheless, right now nak share pasal masakan buka puasa semalam. Simple sajoo, buat Sambal Terung.

Ok, letsss. Bahan-bahannya..
- terung 3-4 biji. (aku pakai yang kecik. And masak untuk 4 orang. So that's that)
- kunyit secubit dua (untuk gaul pada terung)
- cili bo. (dalam 2-3 senduk bulat)
- bawang dipotong bulat ½-1 biji
- bawang putih 2-3 ulas (ketuk leper)
- halia 2 rincih (nipis sahaja, panjang dlm 1")
- air kosong (masak ke tak, tak kisahlah)
- garam (most probably) ½ sudu teh
- gula 3-3½ sudu makan.

Cara-cara memasaknya :-
1. Terung potong ikut saiz makan. Mula² belah menegak dari tangkai ke bawah. Then potong serong. Tangkai buanglah. Bilas bersih terungnya then gaul rata dengan secubit kunyit dan garam.
2. Goreng terung tadi sampai masak ya. Boleh goreng dip fry. Tp pakai minyak takyah banyak sangatpun ok je. Boleh goreng jenis kaup balik. Ketepikan, buat sambal pulak. 
3. Baki minyak yang goreng terung tadi, supposedly kalau sukat tu adalah 1-2 senduk banyaknya. Masukkan bahan tumisan, bawang besar, bawang putih dan halia. Tumis sampai betul² naik bau. Bawang potong bulat kan, so make sure setiap lapis bawang tu terlerai satu-satu.
4. Masukkan cili bo. Masak dalam 5-7 minit sebelum masukkan air 1/4 cawan. Ulang dalam 3-4 kali untuk 30-45minit memasak sambal.
5. Selepas cawan air yang kedua terakhir atau yang terakhir, bolehlah letak garam dan gula berturutan.
6. Korang akan perasan sifat sambal tu, dari merah terang, dah ke.merah gelap dan berkilat sikit sebab dah pecah minyak elok. That is nice. Masukkan terung goreng tadi. Biar kejap dal 5-7minit dalam sambal.
7. Angkat dan hidang.

Tips.
Lauk sambal sayur ni, ngam kalau makan dengan ikan goreng. Bagi akulah. BTW, resipi sambal kalini lain sikit je dari yg sebelumni (dalam Sikmok Jah) sebab kitorang kehabisan bawang ya anak-anak. So, bawang limited to sebiji per lauk. Kalau tak ak dah blend bnyk-bnyk, buat pesen sambal haritu. Nvm. Lauk laku, boss kata sedap. LOL

P.s. Semalam umi masak, ikan masak lemak cili api. Aku masak sambal terung and jemput kentang. Soooo... Kalau rajin, nanti boleh share hat jemput pulak. Jgn high expectation, sebab tak fancy langsung!! Hahah.

Masakan Makjah : Nasi Lemak Mudah & Sedap

Alangkan tengah tunggu buka puasa, aku taip balik apa yang dimasak semalam sambil terliur sorang-sorang.

Pre ps - Aku masak ni untuk 8 orang makan (8pax) dan bahan-bahan masakannya yang asas dan ringkas sahaja. Macam sambal tu, mungkin lagi sedapdapdap kalau dibual sambal bilis. Ada yang pesen tambah Aji dsb. Tapi sebab abah berpantang dari ikan bilis  dan especially bahan perasa buatan (gout kan) so, ini sejenis sambal yang mesra-abah aku. Hiks.

So lets. Resipi Sikmok Jah

(read: nasi lemak) 

Bahan-bahan nasi :-
- beras 5 ½ cawan
- santan 7 cawan
- daun pandan 3 jalur
- halia 3-4 hirisan nipis
- garam secubit rasa
- minyak masak secubit dua

Sambal :-
- bawang besar 4biji
- bawang putih 5-6 ulas
- cili boh ½ paket
- gula 4-5 sudu besar
- garam 1 sudu teh
- halia ½-1inci (3-4 rincih)

Tanak nasi (guna Noxa cooker)
• masukkan beras 5½ cawan
• masukkan santan/perahan dari kelapa 1½ cawan lebih dari sukatan beras. Which is 7 cawanlah.
• 3 jalur daun pandan disimpulkan, dicampak mesra ke dalam periuk (LOL)
• Campakkam sekali 2-3 rincih halia ½cm - means, masukkan sikit je bagi tambah aroma.
• Titiskan minyak masak 1-2 kali supaya nasi tak melekat dan dimasak cantik.
• Set high pressure 13 minute, lepas dah siap boleh keep warm sehingga sedia untuk hidang.

Masak sambal.
• 3½ biji bawang besar,  dimayang biasa dan 4 ulas bawang putih ditumbuk kemudian semuanya di-kisar. Boh air ya, nak kisar halus tu. Tak halus manalah, sedang-sedang je untuk tekstur sambal yang elok. Asing tepi jap.
• Baki lagi setengah biji bawang besar dipotong bulat manakala baki 2 ulas bawang putih diketuk sekali dua bagi merekah.
• Buka api, masukkan minyak masak dalam 1 senduk dan panaskan minyak. Agak-agak minyak dah panas, setkan api sederhana.
• Mulakan dengan masukkan bawang putih yang dah dikisar dan baki bawang putih yang diketuk dulu. Biar dalam 10-15 saat shj berselang sebelum masukkan bawang besar yang dikisar dan yang telah dipotong bulat.
• Akhir sekali untuk tumisan, masukkan hirisan halia.
• Kacau-kacaukan tumisan setiap 5-7minit untuk dua ketiga kali. Nak confident, biar sampai bau dah semerbak. In shaa Allah tandanya bawang ditumis dgn baik.
• Masukkan setengah paket cili boh (kalau pakai cili kering, prosedur lain pulak ya) dan masakkan untuk 10-15 minit. Kacau balikkan sambal tu supaya tak kering atau hangit bawah.
• Masukkan air tapis/air masak setengah cawan, kacau balikkan sekali lg sekejap dan biar masak dalam 10-15 minit atau sampai nampak menggelegak. Buat dua kali. Perlahankan api
• Kacau sambal untuk elakkan kering/hangit. Masukkan gula dan garam secukupnya. Biar cili masak lagi. Kacau balikkan dua tiga kali dalam tempoh 30 minit.
• Tambah air ¼ cawan yang terakhir biar masak dalam 15minit. Siap dan boleh dihidang.

Tips untuk sambal :
× Kunci rasa sambal adalah pada gula dan garam. Perlu gula yang banyak untuk counter rasa pedas, tetapi perlu nisbah garam yang sesuai jugak supaya sambal tidak terlebih manis semata-mata.
× Proses meletak air dan biar menggelegak berkali-kali penting untuk pastikan rasa cili tu pedas yang sedap (instead of pedas mati or pedas buta) sebab cili dah betul-betul masak, sebati dengan tumisan dan pecah minyak. Dari merah terang sampai merah gelap biasanya warnanya.

Cadangan untuk lauk “add-on” :
× Ayam goreng tepung / Ayam goreng biasa
× telur rebus goreng / telur mata
× Bilis dan kacang goreng
× Mentimun

P.s. Alhamdulillah first try, kena dengan tekak orang yang dijamu. Terlepaslah dari jatuh air muka. Fuh. Oh, kecuali Aiman. Ahahahah. Takpelah, asalkan menang majoriti. Anyway guys, segala angka dalam pos ni tak bersifat tepat (accurate) melainkan bersifat agak-agak dan anggaran (approximately) semata. The best lead is to follow guts and instinct. Guna lidahlah untuk merasa (tapi aku jenis tak rasa makanan yang aku masak, melainkan lepas dia siap). So yeah. Ikutlah masing-masing.

Masyeh. Assalamualaikum wbt.

Pre-Ramadhan

Hai assalamualaikum. Morning people!

**iklan jap. Aku tengah dengar short cover Donde (Islamik version) by Naufalisa, first lyric je dah buat aku sangkut and so the content of the whole cover. (problem dia cuma, tak cukup je. ugh too short heh)

     So yeah peeps, I was having a thought just now about Ramadhan. This very awaited month is getting close and closer to us, muslims and just by thinking itself, it gives me overwhelmed feelings. It's thrilling (I don't know if I describe it accurately or not hahah), nerve wrecking and exciting all at the same time. It is, first because (like any other else I am sure) I have been waiting for the very moment to come. Every year, there's a strong uncertainty of whether one can welcome Ramadhan or not. So being alive somehow trick my mind on being chose upon; to experience Ramadhan (in shaa Allah. Saying this in general thou, sbb Ramadhan berbaki seminggu dua lagi and I have no idea tentang ajal maut diri sendiri. Regardless, Allahumman ballighna fi Ramadhan :) Secondly, it is that nerve wrecking, because it concerns me;  whether I am about to screwed up the becoming Ramadhan or will I be able to perform any better compared to the previous one or will I just let this month slip and slide away without nothing much of both good or bad. Such thinking exist duh, tu yang bawak kepada nervous. I don't know of everyone else, anyway. As much as I am well aware on what comes along with a Ramadhan, I pray that as to me and all others... semoga kita semua berjaya untuk sustain ourselves, giving the best effort and be all out untuk tidak mensia-siakannya. I feel the need to fll any vacant in my heart with blessings and so on, but none is to fill me in if I am not going to fill my Ramadhan with what I have to. That's the concept. Memenuhi Ramadhan nanti dengan apa yang berhak baginya dan semoga kemudian hati sendiri terisi dengan kekuatan rohani dan segala macam lagi keperluan yang berhak ke atasnya (nak jadi a better muslim everyday punya pasal) sebagai natijah dari kedatangan Ramadhan.

     Bulan Ramadhan ni macam hentian rawat dan rehat (R&R). Dekat sinilah nak isi minyak kenderaan (untuk sambung perjalanan), revive tenaga with cookies and coffee, resting from a tiring drive etc. Dan kalau dalam konteks Ramadhan untuk kehidupan, masa inilah untuk collect rahmat dan keampunan untuk revive balik diri sendiri dari hasil amal kita pada waktu yang sebelum-sebelumnya. Yang mana dosa, semoga dengan Ramadhan ini (malahan) memberi peluang agar taubat kita diterima dan yang mana amalan-amalan kebaikan dan kebajikan semoga beroleh lebih dari pahala, lebih-lebih lagi barakah dan mardhatillah (keredhaan Allah). And as the famous saying solat itu memberi kerehatan, bulan puasa nilah peluang (such) rehat diberikan untuk manusia berlepas diri dari kesibukan kerja dan kelalaian dunia dengan adanya amalan sembahyang sunat yang dituntut sepanjang Ramadhan iaitu sembahyang sunat tarawih/terawih. Dan banyak lagi kaifiyat-kaifiyat terhadap ibadah dalam bulan Ramadhan yang berlipat kali ganda yang tidak terdapat di bulan-bulan yang lain. Sesiapa yang mengisi Ramadan dengan sebaik-baiknya, menghayati akan kewajipannya, mestilah nanti (in shaa Allah) akan menjadi seorang yang jauh lebih baik lagi dari dirinya sendiri yang sebelumnya dan boleh meneruskan kehidupan dalam keadaan begitu sehingga Allah menemukan lagi dengan Ramadhan yang berikutnya.

     The famous saying claimed that Ramadhan is a guest (tetamu), but rather I see, yang tetamunya kita manusia. yang mendatangi Ramadhan itu kita. Ramadhan akan tetap ada setiap tahun, meskipun nanti ketika kita tak ada; meninggal dunia. Ramadhan ni suatu kemudahan dari Allah swt untuk kita polish diri sendiri dari segi tujuan kita dan nilai estetika kita sebagai human being. Tujuan jadi manusia, apa lagi kalau bukan menjadi hamba Allah dan bersikap  khalifah yang mengimarahkan (memakmurkan) bumi. Setiap kali kita sampai pada Ramadhan, tuntutan kepadanya akan memperkukuhkan yang bahagian ini. Tentang siapa Tuan dan siapa hamba. Nilai estetika sebagai manusiapun cover... menjadikan kita bertimbang rasa melalui puasa dengan menahan lapar dan dahaga yakni merasai sama kelaparan yang khususnya sering dirasai orang lain yang tidak bernasib baik. Dan banyaklah lagi, Tak ada satupun tentang Ramadhan yang tidak membawa kepada kedua-duanya.

     oh the last point is the excitement towards it. Gila tak excited? I bet, especially nowadays ada je orang yang tak excited dengan bulan Ramadham. haaa mmg gila. ye lah, ibarat dapat hadiah yang sangat istimewa dan dia (orang yg begitu) even dia tahu, tidak menjadikan dia gembira tentangnya. Rugilah. hahah. Dah kukabo banyaknya kelebihan dan kaifiyat amal ibadah dalam bulan Ramadhan ni. Manakan tak gembira.

     So yeah, this is it tentang Ramadhan. Couple more days to go before the day. Hoping everyone arrive safely dekat R&R Ramadhan tahun ni. orang yang tahu dan berilmu tentang cara memanfaatkan R&R ni akan berjaya keluar darinya dan meneruskan perjalanan dengan lebih baik, manakala yang sebaliknya tentulah dia masuk dan keluar kosong macamtu je. and if the condition of oneself tu sendiri semput-semput saja rohani jasmaninya, takut menyimpang pulak dalam perjalanan. Na'udzubillah.

     Ada sesiapa yang dihujan rasa yang macam-macam, macam aku? Better do than not feeling anything. Perasaan yang ada tu boleh menjadi semangat dan motivasi untuk go through the becoming Ramadhan dengan lebih bermakna lagi, in shaa Allah. Begitulah pengharapannya. Everyone have to be well prepared. Tak ada benda yang boleh berjaya kalau dilakukan secara semberono. kalau aku jenis yang 24hours lagha and looking forward Ramadhan without preparation, memang lebih agak dari agihlah ceritanya. serupa angan-angan mat jenin nanti. Jangan sembang untuk begini begitu, tanpa kau biasakan diri dahulu macam mana nak melakukannya. Kita tak boleh nak qiamullah over night sedangkan tak pernah buat. kita tak boleh go punya nak perabis tadarus al quran kalau bacaan satu mukapun dilewat-lewat dan liat. Maka paksakan dari sekarang dan biasakan.

     I hope it helps to remind me now and onwards. Sebab diri sendiri jenis leka, maka penulisan yang kadang-kadang didatangkan idea hari ini aku anggap sebagai nasihat dan penampan di hari esok.  Kalau turut jadi peringatan dan manfaat kepada orang lain, lebih baik lagi. of every words here, hadza min fadhli Rabbi; dari Allah jua. 

Adiossssaaa. Ciao

Midsem Break Trip Sesi A161 [Throwback]

[Disclaimer] Ini entry yang dah lama ditaip (tapi tak publish tak ingat pulak pasal apa). Aku dapati masih dalam label "draft". Tak pasti dah habis cerita semua ke tidak ni. I will post it as it is. So lets throwback, apa adanya.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Salam November gaiss…

Sekejap masa berlalu, November sudah! Dan sebulan dua je lagi yang berbaki nak menjejak tahun baru 2017.

Bertambah lagi angka umur; walaupun tak rasmi, terasa jugak ketua-dewasaannya. Heh.

Sedang menaip ni time dalam flight balik ke Kajang. Dari AOR ke KUL, sejam je. Acah-acah curi masa lah gitu. First time naik flight malam. Selama sebelum-sebelum ni, balik mesti waktu siang. Saja nak mencuba. Kononnya nak menengok bintang-bintang. Ahahahah.

Takde sebutirpun yang nampak dari tadi. Langit kelam je kalau ditengok ke luar tingkap. Tapi okay jugaklah, sebab boleh nampak apa yang ada di bawah pun, lebih kurang mcm bintang-bintang jugak dari atas. Just nice. Even cuma sepuluh minit awal masa depart tadi je.

Selain dari ini kali pertama naik flight waktu malam. Rasanya ini jugak kali pertama aku naik flight yang ramai penumpang baby. Sejak depart tadi, berselang-selang bunyi rengek budak dalam ni. Kelakar pun ada. Rasa meriah.

Dalam entri kalini nak berkongsi cerita aku lambat balik bercuti. Adalah dalam tiga, empat hari lebih lambat dari orang lain. Dalam beberapa hari tu, dapatlah sehari aku keluar berjalan seperti yang dah lama aku impikan sepanjang semester ni. 

"Terima kasih Atiq, drive kami ke tempat tuh. Kalau tak kerana Atiq je satu-satunya insan yang boleh drive, maka tak akan tersampailah kitorang berlima sampai bilapun. Muaahhh ked."

Nama tempat tu Batu Hampar - Air Terjun Batu Hampar. Sesuai dengan namanya, memang sungai dekat situ baaaanyak sangat batu-batunya. memang setiap kali kau pijak dan menapak dalam tu, seolah-olah kau buat refleksologi. ahahahahah. Serius. Tapi air dia best, jernih,  sejuk je. And disebabkan sekarang tengah musim hujan, maybe sebabtu arus dia boleh tahan deras jugaklah. Tempat ni memang hambar. Tak ada sape pun pagi yang kitorang sampai tu. Ada kitorang je. Tapi mungkin jugak sebab kitorang datang awal sangat agaknya, hujan pulak tu pagi tu. 

Percaya ke tidak, arus dekat tempat aku dengan Atiq berdiri tu deras sangat. Rasa macam ada beberapa kali cubaan kaki nak kena tarik ke depan sekali, mengikut arus. Percayalah korang, tengok buih-buih air dalam gambar tu pun rasanya boleh agak yang statement aku tak dibuat-buat.

Nampak macam membahayakan betul gambar ni. Lagi-lagi kalau tengok pada tempat Daus duduk tu. BTW, susah jugak nak menapak ke atas ni. Aku memang fail bab-bab nak explore sungai, mujur jugak sampai. Gambar ni Wina yang ambilkan; memandangkan dia taknak berbasah-basah. 

Cantik, kan? Aku jadi suka tengok gambar yang aku ambil ni. Walaupun tak semenggah mana, apatah lagi kalau nak dibandingkan dengan pandangan mata yang sebenar tapi nampak cantik gak lah sikit. Mungkin berkat IPod Daus jugak. Dalam gambar ni pun boleh tahu yang arus ni mengalir laju. 

Gambar bertiga dengan Atiq dan Wina lepas kami berjaya turun dari atas tu. Abaikan muka selebet. Gila apa, lawa-lawa gi main air?! kekekeke

Masakan Makjah : Butter Toast

Assalamualaikum. Hi

Pagini terasa nak share menu sarapan tersimple dalam dunia. Been quite sometimes since the last entry tentang Masakan Makjah, kan? Padehal memasak je hari-hari. Maybe tak feel nak taip sebab menu tu underrated bebeno (malu nak kabo LOL) ataupun sebab makin selalu masak. Eitherway-lah. ahahaha. You know it right, bila memasak tengah jadi rutin tu (sebab on school break tuhari memang in charge memasak sokmo), memang tak hadaplah nak dikabo setiap benda yang dimasaknya. Heh. #resipisenang #menusenang #sarapansimple #sarapanmudah

Back to the menu, Butter Toast

Here, bahan-bahan dan cara buat.

Bahan :-

Roti putih 

Telur 

Butter/ mentega

gula

Cara penyediaan :-

1. Sediakan dua keping roti. Kepingan pertama letak 1/4 sudu kecil butter (ni aku agak je, sebab tadi letak ikut suka) and dalam dua ke tiga cubit gula. 
2. Then letak roti kepingan yang kedua atas yang pertama tadi dan tekap dengan acuan bulat. Aku guna mug sahaja. Ketepikan lebihan roti dan kulit roti.
3. Ketepikan kepingan roti yang dah melekat ditekup bulat tadi untuk digoreng. 
4. Ulang balik step 1 - 3, ikutlah berapa banyak yang korang hendakkan. (aku tadi ada empat ketul toast comel means aku guna lapan keping roti)
5. Untuk menggoreng, letak minyak banyak k. Untuk deep fry and panaskan minyak sampai betul-betul panas (so that bila menggoreng roti tak serap minyak and boleh mengembang dengan comelnya! :)
6. Sementara tunggu minyak panas atau kalau minyak dah panas bolehlah salutkan roti (yang ada butter and gula dalam tu) dengan telur dulu sebelum masuk ke dalam kuali. Telur pukul kembang and buh garam sikit ya.
7. Sentiasa balik-balikkan roti yang digoreng sampai warnanya naik keperang-perangan. Yang penting nampak nice-lah goreng tu, sekata. Kejap je, kaup-balikkan tiga empat kali lepastu dah boleh tos dan angkat.
8. Sedia untuk dingap!

[TIPS] Kuantiti butter and gula tadi boleh ikut instinct masing-masinglah supaya tak masin sangat atau tak manis sangat. Jangan tak rasa apa sudahlah. 

** Untuk versi yang lebih fancy, filling dia boleh ganti dengan satu dua kiub kecik coklat (Cadbury, if me) then guna step sama je bab nak siapkan and menggoreng. Tapi ongkoslah sikit hahaha. Coklat saja on regular basis untuk dibuat sarapanpun tak proper sangat aku rasa.

** By instinct aku rasa, letak mayonnaise-pun okay gak. Butter and mayonnaise both give good texture on bread. Trust meyyh 

Ever wonder of how it taste? Bagi aku sedang-sedang elok, macam rasa roti butter biasa. And kenyang yang paling penting sekali.Yelah, dengan rotinya, telur lagi kan. Sesuailah untuk sarapan. Pair up dengan milo panas ke, horlick ke atau nestum. Adalah elemen berkhasiat tu.

That is that for now, ciao!

p.s. Aku nak menyambung layan Crisis : Special Security Squad, lagi dua episod. A Jdrama ni. Kalau tak boleh move on nanti (besar kemungkinan actually), might as well coming up with a drama review. The only drama review sebelum ni was a Cdrama Legend of Fuyao. Banyak dah ada dalam list. Tunggu rajin tak rajin je. 

Introduction to Financial Management

Hi Assalamualaikum.

Here, a tiny bit sharing on topic Principle Financial Management.
A very tiny bit of it, I bet I did this halfway (since I just reopen my Prezi again only now. My bad that I forgot to proceed with the topic way earlier).

Click here if you dare to read upon the introductory Financial Management (1), heh.
Sebenarnya back to Prezi untuk work on presentation baru, based on old notes I found (on other subjects thou). Then dah jumpa ni, rasa sayang pulak tak share. Why not kan, even tak berapa nak membantu dari sudut maklumat akademik. Anggaplah pengetahuan umum saja.

Okay, hope it is beneficial somehow.
Ciao.

Action Verbs : -ING Form & Base Form

err..  Assalamualaikum. Hi!

Nothing much about this note, but a mere one I feel like sharing; from an old written note of mine. A simpler version obviously. (I  found it while kemas-kemas rak buku just now. So why not, right? :)

Mana-mana yang dirasakan (alu ter)salah maklumat tu, do let me know. I might need to correct it right away, pada catatan aku (and lebih-lebih lagi di sini), Sebarang penambahan sangat dialu-alukan! Heh

Okay, here is to help you when to use action verb in -ING Form and in it's Base Form
Kata kerja bahasa Inggeris boleh berada dalam banyak bentuk. Tapi laa ni/ sekarang ni aku bagitahu untuk dua bentuk dulu : -ING dan bentuk asal/base (kata kerja dasar). Bila nak apply kata kerja tertentu dengan bentuk yang tertentu ni? Makanya boleh tahu dari keadan-keadaan yang membawa kepada bentuk (form) tersebut. Untuk -ING Form ada dua keadaan (dan contoh-contohnya) manakala BASE Form ada tiga keadaan (dan contoh-contoh jugak).

-ING Form

• Action verbs which come after AM, IS, ARE, WAS, and WERE
• Example 1 :-
•  I am bathing now.
• He was playing football yesterday.
• They are praying.
• My dad was cooking just now.
• For verbs that come immediately after prepositions : for, at, through etc (common used prepositions)
• Example 2:-
• The teacher punished John for pulling Mary's hair.
• I am slow at solving crossword puzzles.
• We gain a lot through reading.
• Do not leave without asking my permission,

-BASE Form

• Action verbs that come after TO (must be in base form of verb)
• Example 1 :-
• You need to take the book.
• I am going to buy food.
• Action verbs that come immediately after DO, DOES, DID (including the negative form : do not, does not, did not)
• Example 2:-
• They do not visit the museum.
• The boy does sell newspapers by the roadside.
• Does Mastura not work anymore?
• Do they not swim everyday?
• Action verbs that come immediately after WILL, SHALL, CAN, MAY, MIGHT, SHOULD, WOULD and COULD (including the negative form : + not)
• Example 3 :-
• We should spend money wisely.
• They will buy dinner for us.
• Should the students not wear uniform?
• Can you help me with the baskets?

Siapa yang Taknak Kahwin, a (long) Rant

Assalamualaikum.

Alangkan diilhamkan dengan kejadian masa sahur tadi, maka dipaksakan diri sendiri untuk menulis jugak sedikit sebanyak apa yang aku rasa. 

Sebelum subuh tadi sesudah embah selesai bersahur waktu aku masih pulun perabis nasi, embah tanyakan aku sama ada dah berpunya atau belum. Kurang lebih tentang itulah. Aku senyum je, maksudnya tak adalah kan. Fokus aku memang dekat nasi je waktu tu. Menengok aku tak menjawab tak mengiyakan, embah menyambung sorang, katanya akan didoakan aku dan soal jodoh aku ni nanti di Mekah (embah aku akan buat umrah April nanti, sebabtulah). Aku menyengihlah apa lagi. Anggukpun beria, sambil-sambil nak merai bersembang dengan orang tua. Kalau dah nak didoakan, tentulah kecil tapak tangan, sepadang luas aku hamparkan. Berbesar hatilah, moga dengan mustajabnya berdoa dekat sana, urusan akupun dipermudahkan. Tapi reaksi spontan aku jadi mengundang ketawa kecil embah. Nampak bersungguh sangat kot eh mengangguk? hahahah. Aku pun claim-lah "saya memang tengah tak adalah." nak justify yang kenapa aku beria tu. Elok embah membalas, "mintaklah." "mintaklah dengan Allah, tiap-tiap kali lepas solat mintak." Kejap je embah berenti berselangkan teguk air, disambung lagi "ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ (ud’uni astajib lakum), berdoalah pada Aku nescaya Aku jawab" Ton suara embah macam bagi taukid (penekanan/penegasan) dekat aku. Macam biasa, selain senyum aku mengangguk jugak sekali dua, adalah jugak terfikir, eh embah ni ingat aku tak mintak ke? truth be told ni bukan kali pertama rasanya disuruh doa/mintak kepada jodoh ni. Pernah bukan dari keluargapun, buah fikiran member kalau tak silap. Aku nak kabor macam mana taktahulah, 'iya memang hendak dan memang mintak jugak.' hati aku melalak macamtu setiap kali disalah anggap. Rasanya. ahahahahahahahah

Kejadian bersembang dengan embah usai sahurnya tu tidaklah apa sangatpun, tapi sedikit-sedikit mencalit jugak kesannya dalam hati aku. Itu bukan pertama kali embah tanya pasal aku dah ber'kawan' ke belum. Banyak kali dah! Tapi nak buat macam mana, bukan setakat tak dekatpun dengan segala macam visi risik-tunang-kahwin tu, bukan jugak setakat tak ada boyfriend (term senang faham), malahan tengah tak ada sesiapapun yang aku simpan dalam hati ni ha. Bertepuk sebelah tanganpun tidak. Takde crush-pun tbh. Adalah dah setahun lebih macamni? Most probably. Kalau keadaan ni applied masa zaman sekolah kan senang, tak perlu terikat dengan trend secret admirer segala macam yang mengarut. Manalah nak tahu dia nak jadi masa umur aku tengah just nice je nak langsung naik pelamin. Aku rileks je (rileks bukan tak hendak okay. Tapi macam, dia nak datang, datanglah nanti. gitu) tapi seiring masa yang berjalan, walaupun tak ada yang mendesak aku mula nampak orang sekeliling aku berhasrat ke arah itu. Oh, umi abah akulah kan, siapa lagi, Embah, secondly. Heh. Barangkali sebab keadaan sekeliling jugak. Di usia aku ni, orang terdekat baik sepupu-sepapat dan kenalan sorang-sorang dah que dengan rancangan nikah kahwin masing-masing. Atau paling tidakpun dah berpunya. Boleh jadi, benda-benda inilah yang contribute to concern. Make sense, kan?

Se chill-chill aku melayan topik ni sebelumni, akhirnya lambat-lambat (especially sekarangni?) dah jadi concern aku jugak. Tentang embah cakap, mintak tu. terpukul sikit sebenarnya. Aku kabor aku mintak, kan? Adalah baru-baru ni agaknya mintak semula, Yelah, lepas kena tegur dengan member sorang ni. Aku bukan tak mintak tau, tapi aku aware sejauh mana kesungguhan tu. memang gayalah tak semenggahnya. Aku doa general je, adapun kalau meminta. Aku rasa sebab aku dah tak ada hati dekat sesiapa, so tak seterdesak berhajatkan seseorang yang tertentu. Dan given segala macam past experience aku sebelumni, so aku tak meletakkan perkara ni as priority. My bad.

Kalau ikut rumus akal, senyap-senyap aku rasa aku macam give up je yang aku akan settle down. kah kah kah. Padehal considerably muda lagi kan aku? I mean, ada seumur hidup lagi kott, selagi belum ajal. Usaha entah ke mana, doa setakat apa, memandai nak berputus asa. Sebelum sia-sia umi abah hantar belajar agama dari kecik sampai tinggi dewasa gini, makanya aku niatkan jugaklah untuk hal ni dalam hati, Eh, terima kasih yang menegur tu! (kalaulah dia tahu, dalam senarai dia orang terakhir yang aku pernah ada simpan perasaan. aduhaiii. lama dah tu 2017 hahaha)

Anyway lesson learnt. At first aku taktahu macam mana nak mula. Sebab aku tak ada nama nak dirafakkan dalam doa. tak ada lagi macam dulu yang kononnya "aku khabarkan pada Tuhan tentang engkau" wahh gitu. No way dah lani lagutu. Tak ada jugak "kalau dia untuk aku dekatkan, kalau bukan maka jauhkan." Sebab aku taktahu entah gerangannya memang dekat ke atau jauh lagi nak disampaikan. hahaha. Tapi macam yang aku sedia maklum, mintak je lah. Thus I am solely, praying for someone I don't know (whom yet); that is willing to accept in knowing me without greedy expectations. Clueless weh. Pengalaman betul. ambil berapa lama tu wallahu'alam. kalau nak diukur matang tak matang, aku rasa sampai ke sudah logik aku tak menikah. sebab macam tak pernah matang je. Kalau nak diperhati sejauh mana sedia rasanya macam menunggu bulan jatuh ke riba. Sebab dari segi gaya macam tak ada persediaan. Lol. Nah, I don't mean to sound that bad thou. Tapi iyalah, sebab tak tahu untuk siapa nak dituju, jadi benchmark KPI tu takdapat nak diagak.

Aku pernah tengok (lama dah ni), orang duk list out dia punya husband material. Hence, I am about to write mine. Alahai, tak bocorpun doa aku kalau aku list out benda ni (since aku sentiasa insecure dengan mulut puaka orang yang suka judgemental. Kang dia kata, kalau nak doalah, Taip buat mende?! haaa kan seram. so claimed awal-awal lol). Doa adalah doa. apa yang aku mintak dan cara yang macam mana, aku tak terperincikanpun. Listing this out is an attempt of mine. Mana tahu boleh dirujuk di hari muka, mengena ke tidak. Kann? Ok drop dead. Berangan tak sudah. 

Aku selalu beranggapan, apa yang aku betul-betul harapkan simple je sebenarnya. Entahlah nak.

1. Jujur.

2. Semoga orangnya soft spoken, Aku rasa aku sangat tolerable dengan orang yang boleh soft spoken dengan aku. Soft spoken tak semestinya tak tegas, You just don't need to get overwhelmingly mad everytime and plus, no harsh words please. aku rasa cara terbaik menangani aku adalah dengan begitu. Dia macamni, kau bayangkang kalau g dengan talk/ceramah, aku memang tak gu betul konsep tarbiah sentap, yang main reverse psychology tempik-tempik tu (walaupun penyampaiannya betul). Tapi kalau dari Dr Zulkifli Al Bakri, Habib Ali Zainal Abidin punya ceramah yang tu lagi cepat terasa dan mengena. Ha centulah. Maksudnya nak yg penyabar eh? haaa.....

3. Accepting me as who I am. part ni aku paling concern sekali. Akan ke aku jumpa orang yang boleh terima aku? Memang bukan luar biasa aku ni, biasa-biasa je, ada ups and down. Dosa manjang, tapi hendak kepada baik tu, tak pernah tak hendak lagi doplohpat jam. I nag, I laugh on jokes, I am boring etc etc bnyk lagilah. Nak reveal, biar reveal dkt gerangan yang sepatutnya. Kang bukak aib pulak. Naya memang membujang sampai ke akhir. hahah. 

4. Kalau aku bergaduh/bicker dengan adik beradik aku silalah back up aku!! Tapi kalau aku berselisih faham dengan umi abah aku, tolonglah side with them dan betulkan kiranya aku salah. Oh aku on standard basis memang banyak modal nak bicker dengan umi abah aku tapi level ngam dia sama je macam anak-anak mithali lain di luar sana. Sebabtu this one concept memang dah berzaman aku angankan.

5. Boleh tak kalau nak dapat jenis yang suka bawak travel? tapi aku taklah outdoor sangat. Yang suka roadtrip? eh tapi aku masuk kereta mengantuk biasanya.. hah. yang suka nature on standard basis? yang benda-benda biasa di antara langit dan bumi, even biasa tengokpun boleh buat dia kagum. adeke? Aku free spirit punya orang, aku rasalah. Tapi aku tak ada peluang untuk keluar ke sana ke sini, sebab aku punya safety precaution atas aku memang strict dan particulary unique? (maybe you can call so) Aku tak harap, dapat suami yang jenis tak bagi aku keluar rumah jugakk. hahah. low key-nya begitulah. Tak kata suruh bagi kebebasan sepenuhnya k. Tapi abah aku lepak pantaipun takdelah beria sangat. Tapi aku memang yeye sokmo. em em

Basically tu je lah yang aku harapkan, yang particular kott.

Tang jujur malas nak hurai. orang baik boleh jahat. yang jahat boleh baik. Kau jujurlah dengan diri sendiri, lepastu Allah tolong perbaik mana-mana yang patut, dan permudahkan mana-mana tekad, selagi kejujuran tu pada hal yang baik di sisi DIA. lain-lain kurang lebih yang aku hendakkan, hoping the best pairing to be granted onto me, gitulah. Dekat sesiapalah.

Sekian. sudah Asar. ciao.

p.s. eh korang, embah tu nenek tau. kbai. Dah hujung-hujung malas dah datang balik, sebab dah lama menaip ni. Content-pun dah tak consistent tu aku rasa. nasiblah

Express(ive)

Hey, nightos ppl (that I doubt are there somewhere coming here to read)...

I am switching from twitter to here this quick since I feel like expressing what I have atm right away. Currently on play; Gnash - Belong (ft DENM).

I am at fault atm. I don't know why thou. the first five second I am feeling so emotional and butt hurt (about to cry too, like seriously me?) getting triggered by something I ain't supposed to get swayed by and five second afterwards I felt ashamed of what I've been feeling all awhile. Being 25 and yet to get emotionally triggered by something and bear the effect you cause by such feelings obviously there's no good thing coming out from it. When I am done cooling down, the damage (if I am not aware of it) might be done already - such as - me, expressing my thoughts emotionally while I am at it; being emotional. 

I feel absurd of my way behaving ; halfway egoistic, halfway guilty, halfway low self-esteem and bla bla bla back to back. all halfway work done is  a reflection of how bad I am as a whole and how good I am on being inconsistent (even upon my own feelings? what a shame tbh).

I noticed that I get easily offended when people are describing myself as somewhat expressive. Even when no one is really saying no to it and I am always open whether to take the words seriously or not, I am always ended up (kinda quickly) taking such comments so negative on me. or at least, I am aware so, rn atm I am typing this. What's happening from that point onward is... I'll be changing myself (or forcing myself to change - since I give a hell damn duh about what people are saying. It is concerning especially when it is hurting) towards other's perception - which I thought is intended harshly and negatively on me. That is too, while justifying myself for doing it. lol as if like I am so persistent on doing it my way. nah. 

so yeah, it's a mess.

NP Gnash - Imagine (ft Ruth B) ; eyy I am grooving to this song. I like it!

Anyway, somehow... 

somewhat I think, 

I am being all that mess since I am not confidence of myself.

I mean...

I am expressive.

I like to voice out what I had in mind (and yeah, not everyone are willing to listen to. and frankly not really anyone to talk to; maybe not yet - especially when you're this fucking talkative, analytics and always had some sort of whatever ideas in mind) ugh.

Thus, I go to socmed,

I believe that it's okay to do so since the stuff I talk about is regarding myself

y'know, like.. so long I ain't going around judging or insulting other's preferences or whatsnot

it's not like I am being expressive regarding others

but rather taking my socmed to somehow as an online jurnal of mine.

I feel the need to express things, because I believe my socmed at least has to have space for me to express out myself, I mean, I am doing it on my page, right? am I not allowed to?

i mean, like everyone is getting that same rights, right? they can do whatever they feel when it is theirs. So why does mine, every time have to sound like a nuisance towards my fellow others/readers/ followers etc? I of course, feel bad about it. thinking if, is it that bad towards others?

NP Sasha Sloan - Older 

It's a thread on my very twitter. not on other's profile no way. I am writing status of my own in my account, writing long captions under my very own uploaded picture. Whilst there's rarely anyone that read those and being concern about what's concerning me... yet there are barely none to not give a damn about it. People (sadly closest, or someone known, or at least relatives) are talking about it like it's a weird thing. Some even jokes about it.

- like this one. back in university, they tease me for writing a super long captions. I was like, bro if you can't do one because simply making one is hard on you, why duh have to bother when I did mine?

You have to watch on your grammar and vocab bro to make one caption like mine, have to get crappy poetic to write poems on captions etc. to have unnecessary ideas, even. I am just polishing my additional useless skills while expressing out what I had, yet on my page. is it that disturbing?

I get kinda sad because I think it has been quite often ; being that kind of expressive (not excessive thou as I recall) and it's being talked upon. you don't talk about what I am writing about. simply talk about, that I write and write a lot. doesn't seem like a complimentary and yet when being said to others it makes me so discourage as if my flaws is being deadly exposed. that is (back to the main thing - low self esteem, my bad. I am at fault for wth this mentality).

at times, when mom's knowing about it. she laughs. 

to be laughable at, I thought it is being dumbfounded or so, something like that.

To me when I feel at ease expressing myself; actually I am doing at a place I feel comfortable at to people I trust (with whatever sort of secrets or opinions I had). But once comments, or complaints come from it... then I was like "oh, I thought he/she is at least okay about it - or about how I am (in being that way). but it turns out, not really. my expressiveness stand out *sigh

what's wrong with posting IG story when I feel like it? when I feel like I am hell in pain and have to be expressive about it? when being expressive can help in lessen it when people closer are in no help at all. I don't even exposing things to strangers but among those I know. I don't get hurt of people who are not concern - since people like that. at average, they give priority to people they choose to and that is so okay and understandable. so can't they just let my lot's of stories slide? that's what I think when people brought it up to others that I chose not to let know things I do online. there must be reasons, right? haih

what is wrong about I type too much when you do not? I have no problem with people when they do things different than mine, when I choose it at first place. I mean, if I am that disturbing... people are always open to left, unfollow etc. mute my status if such loads coming from me is becoming a cumbersome to your eyesight. why not... people are putting me on tight spot. following me while not accepting my writing/posting style on my very on space I thought is mine.

btw. tbh.
it has been long since I posted on instagram and facebook. when people are voicing out things... regardless I still think it's a good thing to be pondered upon. I switch to twitter and whatsapp status... ahh people are still feeling off of my writing. *heartbreak hahah

NP Alec Benjamin - Beautiful Pain . oh shit I cry pfft, blame the chorus that the "pain" being said on repeat. hahahaha

um..

for the time being I less preferred blog. It's tiring to type long oh people, lol.

but since they less prefer seeing my writing on socmed. this might be the last resort I had to feel free voicing what I had at times, *sobs

ok snap it.
I am done with writing.
tbh, a blog entry acquired a longer time than a mere caption or a crappy thread.

okay bye.
last song played before signing out
- Alice Kristiansen ; Moon and Back
since it's a pretty full moon tonight heh

Drama Review : Legend of Fuyao

Hi. Assalamualaikum.

[Disclaimer] First and formost, FYI I don't own any picture/GIF in this posting. Credit goes to it's rightful owner. Thanks! every each is beautiful and irresistable! Secondly, Entry down below is being posted with TWO ALERTS. SPOILER ALLERT and TOO-LONG-POST ALLERT (lol, but true thou). So if you have not yet watch Legend of Fuyao or on your way doing it somehow, I suggest you to not read this crappy stuffs and stuffed your head beforehand. Give it a try yourself and may you get a joy-ride like me. heh. Coming back after feeling unsettled might be necessary afterwards. 

And so it says in the drama - from an empress of Taiyuan to the queen ruler of Xuanji

(and episodes of journey ; hardship, betrayal, romance and friendship in between) 

I ended watching this cdrama just yesterday (thanks to Astro Beyond that it had included this drama in the package). This is my third cdrama as the first one goes to Moonshine and Valentine (aka The Love Knot: His Excellency's First Love) and the second goes to Ten Miles of Peach Blossom (aka Eternal Love). A closest friend of mine suggested this to me knowing I am into those historical-costumed kind of drama (since I am often more into Saeguk-genre kdrama).

This won't really be a review, but rather an opinion of mine or at least thoughts I have since I finished watching it. It left me with feelings. At first an unsettled one. Obviously because of it's ending. Since I don't grasp a better understanding upon it thus I wander (like 24 hours? heh) over the internet to find a better answer for a clearer closure.  And through some reading and listening (and comparing too), like others too... I've made my very own closing for this drama in my head. This is to be explain sooner.

Bad CGI, but still a cute ingot - Yun Bao  
This drama as for me is so worth watching. Ain't a satisfying CGI over all yet not too bad either so long I got the means. Some of it are still so visually captivating, so that's cool enough. Not to forget, including all this, there's a cute ingot named Yun Bao. At first I thought the ingot itself seems a little bit awkward and unstable character, but as I'm getting used to it, I find it so cute and understood it's a character which is actually a loyal pet to the master; no doubt and it is aiding to the main character whenever in need. That being said, I am feeling good about it.

Strong Sub-characters, Sub-plot
But good plot story and especially well portrayed character from the actors/actresses paid it off. Not only the main characters had shown a great character growth and superb emotional expression but I like it that such role being distributed fairly (like I said, this is as for me and per to only my opinion) towards the other characters as well. Like "who's not being entangled with heavy emotions and on?nahh.. everyone did", as I could recall. Or at least almost everyone did more than what I've seen in most of other previous dramas. 
-- Be it the characters when they made it at Taiyuan Kingdom : involving Uncle Zhou, Pei Yuan and Jingchen for Xuanyuan Sect. And Zong Yue, Yun Hen, Qi Yun, Qi Zhen later followed, at the first closure of Taiyuan rebellion (for Xuanyuan's back story), Tiansha Kingdom (with Zhan Beiye and Zhuzhu love progress and Xiao Qi's love too especially greatly exposed when Zhuzhu went blind and when he's holding that fact only too him ; twas heartbreaking. And more and more characters in other following Kingdom as well. I even got heartbreak feels upon the back story of  Zhangsun Jia's wife when they first encounter her in Taiyuan Kingdom's castle (and even later in the revelation before her husband is off to rebel the Tianquan Kingdom where she helps put on his husband armor etc etc.
-- Oh yeah and I like the right-man casts (be it Wuji's, Zhan Beiye's and even Fuyao's with Xiao Qi and Tie Cheng from Yao City. including Yun Hen too!!) all played and express a very good and emotional acting which in fact had leaves impact.

So in short, (to me) this drama is preferable because likely every sub-characters are given their strongly play-with-emotion role, stable character themselves, a very well developed sub-plot with a great back story and explained closure - for each and one sub characters. That is so detailed and not even being wrap in rush or whatsnot. Great work to the writer and actors as for the plot and great acting! *claps

[Diclaimer] I found that some even says like this drama is too draggy and it does not really need to get through like every kingdom actually. It can just be more focus on the main character only. Well I would say, that's unfortunate if it happens that way around since I might missed out the chance to see all other great actors playing our their characters splendidly. They have their own charm and all those one-after-another episode had bring me to such realization. The episodes deserved having them in and s they deserve recognition. Btw, All this so called draggy plot story (involving other character/ sub-characters) are what making the ending make sense (that I'll talk about it way down below).

Evil Characters went Easily Died?
Every character played, especially the main one and the subs (whom turned out to be the ruler over each kingdom - Zhan Beiye for Tiansha, Zhong Yue/as of Yun Hen for Taiyuan, Zhuzhu for Qiongye which is part of the 5 Kingdom thou and Wuji Fuyao respectively for Tianquan and Xuanji) have encounter their own evil character/ villains alongside with each back story. Some claim that villains in this drama dies way too easily as to compare with the hardship protagonist been struggling with while dealing with them or in revenging them. I don't have much issue with how they died tbh and as well seeing this as a so relate-able thing with real life event which eventually give a good reflection throughout the drama. As the saying goes one will reap what they sow, this is what I get to understand in this drama,. Evil characters in this drama were not even died per result of revenged ( being killed by the main characters respectively, some of them not even being killed directly...) Yet as an impact for their evil act and deed that happened between them and others as well and some were because of great resentfulness and regrets towards themselves. This can be seen from Qi Zhen that died killing himself after accidentally killing his daughter (that sacrifices for Zhong Yue), like Pei Yuan ended up being killed by her own maid resulted from her own arrogant, like how Wuji's brother died being killed by his right man because of his own betrayal within the rebellion time, like Zhan Beiheng's died after regretting and reflecting on himself and Zhan Nancheng died being killed by an eunuch (whilst our sub-character feeling so considerate in punishing his own blood brother). So this show that a person hold responsibility of their very own doing. not every evil died from a revenge even when the means to revenge is there. But there's a lot more to it. It is likely a teaching, even when there's no one to revenge against you, justice will prevail and making you pay anyway. You can be killed by others (still) or killing yourself or even getting insane (like Princess Fo Lian). I like it. 

WuFu Couple : the Truest OTP of All
Of course the best thing that would have topped over if there's flaws and making it a worth-watched over again is the chemistry between both leads - a one true pairing. emotion, feelings and characters portrayed by Yang Mi and Ethan Ruan are satisfyingly giving satisfaction as it seems so natural and growing in a follow-able pace (lol please excuse my-made-up English term). Tbh, I was hooked on to keep watching several first episodes because of the role played by the fake Xuanyuan Min and all the flirty thingy attempt he made to Fuyao during they were in Xuanyuan Sect. 

--- Nah I am not too good in being detail. So basically will talk about stuffs in general, not to really compile of which scene in which episodes that they get romantic and all. I bet there are it all in almost 66 episodes. It feels so nice, at times seeing Ethan Ruan playing out his part flirting (and even later admiring and confessing upon his one love; Fu Yao), I even personally the one who fell for him. Is there anyone whose not? hahahah. He's so freaking hot thou.

--- In this drama, it is certain that the message they have is love conquered it all. including the main demon they were purposely have to fight at the end of the day. Their willingness in their love life is understood to be so strong, steadily from the beginning until the last bit of it. and the best about all this lovey-dovey things that it does not get way too cringe - perhaps because of the hardships (like so a lot of struggle) in between had stabilize it too, might as well be. As happy as Wuji or Fuyao could ever be when they are being together, I share the same happiness as well (I believe majority do too, feeling that way). Apart from playing their role splendidly carrying out emotions, they fit well both. Not too much, but a strong statement is acknowledge at the same time.   

Wardrobe Collection

Applause to the costume designer team since I am so love and disturbed (in a very positive way) of almost every costume in the collection. Comparing with TMOPB: Eternal Love, the male wardrobe is what eye-catching to me. But in this one, I see it more with the female attire/costumes. I see layers of tulle, laces, chiffon, organza and obvious silks and satin with great pleats, drapes, patterns and motives. Plus not to mention, a very one stunning embroidery too in several particular emperor-kind attire. Hey, I personally like Fu Yao headpiece when she's in Taiyuan Palace

--- Anyway male costumes are still as pleasing as well. Since I am aware that every kingdom have their own identity of dress code, to me that shows variety (cool then) and detailed. 

Okay so let's talk about the ending, particulary of episode 65 and 66.
Happy Ending but a Loose Closure?
Last 4 episodes (or more than four I bet) really play over my feelings. Be it with the closure Wuji got from his birth-back story followed by his fake emperor father's death (twas sooooooo emotional the same way he was being one at the camp right after the real father's death punishment sort of)
Too many (especially Wuji's) crying/bawling scenes that ended up breaking my heart as well until to the last bit of  the drama (oh maybe not up to the last 20 seconds, heh).

So did they both died? or happily live for ever and after? At first, following just my mere rough understanding after I ended watching.. I prefer them to die (both) rather than they coming back to the five kingdoms like those swords thingy (from the demon/half Fuyao) attack and self-stab ain't affecting their human self at all. I preferer a logical reasoning rather than a happy ending with no justifications. I don't think what I saw at the end of the episode is any familiar kingdom since every kingdom can be recognized by their own element/symbol sort of. It does look like a kingdom but not anything specific for me to judge that they are coming back to the real world/kingdom.

Then I found this. Issa good finale review and so well explained and make sense. I feel relieved after I have understand everything being explained out. I do save in my record, minutes when you can start listening the ending's review. I first marked minutes 19:31 and second on 35:22. Do not hesitate to listen. She gets very detailed and I am surprisingly satisfy. No more loose end and poor closure. I am certain. Alongside listening to this, I bet to admit that this drama ain't really not giving out closure the way people been claiming all along. It is just that I, myself even missed out that some details and at most every single line spoken out by the leads are actually the closure itself and beforehand explaining to what is to happen in the ending scene. 

I am taking the ending as they are both exchanging promises while lying on the Changqing Immortal Shrine's floor (kind of), Wuji respectively completing his mission being responsible to save the world and also to pass the illusion trial wtv that he's been saying about it right before meeting his teacher while Fuyao respectively (too) settling for her part killing the half-soul demon by self-stab herself and later surviving. I am prone to accept that the last scenes is to be taken as the very first actual scene wriiten in the novel and being put last as it ways (the drama) being artistic about the story telling as a whole. They are immortal becoming mortal (and facing trial) and back to immortal as both passed the heavenly trial. (perhaps like all the stuffs are like SuSu/Bai Qian periodically trial being sent down to human world? oh sooo that is the concept. I just suddenly reminded by it.)

Okay, so here's the summary, they were immortals who were born and tested in mortal world. Fuyao was destined to be the demon who would create havoc in mortal world and Wuji was the one who should destroy her. So we get to see Wuji receives immortal punishment in ancient firmament and if he's able to pass through that, he'll be an immortal again, and Fuyao stabs herself in order to destroy the demon within her. So those are their ultimate trials. Then they live happily ever after. Cre: from it's top reply