I don't want to feel bitter. But truth be told, abah's opinion just now is genuinely sincere of his concern and all spoken facts, in fact are as reflecting to his own experiences. How can I not realize? I do realize it. For truth hurts even a little scratch. So yeah, the bitter part is a post-effect coming from the said truth.
Anyway, I'll do a little rewind here.
I came back home with overwhelming gladness to share update about the project I am currently (about to) involved with. It's related to muslimah fashion design stuffs ; things I hold dearly onto. Things I've been fussing upon for sometimes too. To be involved in the project, of course is a rare opportunity that I am grateful to.
Perhaps I am expecting the same lively reaction from umi and abah. I wanted them to hype as much as mine, or likely just to cheer on me straightaway. Y'know something like that. But amidst that, abah is staying composed and even giving his 2 cents on how I should've handled it, the given opportunity.
I may not be handling it wrong. But obviously, after listening to abah's point of view. I bet, I had not handled it best too.
I know my abah. Everytime I am happy upon my art work, be it of fashion designs or writing or reciting or etc. When I thought that I am just unlocking achievement, and hype over it. He does rarely take it as it is. He always go to the hard part, giving me even longer advises and truthful shades about the post-achievement instead.
I don't like it. We'll clash a little bit during this part of conversation. But then, he'll always insist that he's not discouraging me but are giving me all I need to know as prep to the next step for that very achievement.
I took the bait as soon as such line being said. Ok lol no. I mean, I feel it, obviously. I am tearing up inside. For his way-ahead thoughts and concerns.
Know your worth he says. I felt heavy to admit. That I don't envision myself that far, that I don't think of consequences that deeper.
Holding into dream is a yes. But you have to hold together with you, your pride for the said dream. People will come in colors. People will take you for granted or less bad people, perhaps are those who don't comprehend things the way you do, whom eventually underestimate you. Thus, it is natural for abah to remind me, to never go lower (in pride) when you encounter those bunches. Never feel any less for that 'more' side of yourself.
Abah is happy for me too. But is taking care of me like none ever. You called it play safe. Or even I might called it pessimism everytime we clashed. But it's just lines of advises. In a very natural tone instead.
