Monday, July 8, 2019

I am never good enough

It feels off to feel upset at this age. Yet, I still do sometimes. Nah, quite oftentimes TBH I must say.

Suddenly this thought pop out in my head like how great it could be if I have this switch inside me so I could simply just switch off any upsetting feelings-thoughts or rage out of myself whenever I am experiencing it, whenever I am at it.

To be upset, is upsetting enough. But worse come to worse is when the feelings get draggy like from heavy to even heavier. Which from it just affecting my mood-myself, to me affecting others as well (as I am being emotional). I dislike this part much; where an upsetting matter ever get prolonged. ugh.  But i am not that good yet to avoid such. Thus, a switch will be very handful on me.

I really want to just snap out of it, like SNAP! — and it gone, and I am back to normal. Especially on productive days, moreover during my happy times, being upset might do a great damage and ended up ruining the whole thing.  I wish to know if there's any trick to just let go WHATEVER the matter are. Because I know none. The method I have seems not to work well on me.

Not to be too serious. I know even the best cure to the heart. Like reciting isti'azah, istighfar, reciting quran, solat, zikrullah. Yeah sure. Of course in a deeper and darker matter (even) I was out from it that I've done several indeed. Never felt like doubting those too. I still will do that the very same.

But a quick trick too, why not? Like the "all is well" spell thingy. Like I've mentioned above, a so called switch please. That you can just do it on-the-go, in a blink of eye. I wonder if others' have their own way of overcoming their upsetting thoughts and of ill feelings straight away. I am in need of any useful tips. Who knows it might helps me as well. Wanting to be better in upsetting-thought management. I am dead serious here ')

P.s. not sure about others, but closest people upsets me deeper. Logically, family does even more. So yeah, I don't want to get upset over them. Rights or wrong ain't really matter, but the right to obey-to maintain the silaturrahim is a certain order. Simply, I aspire to be better at that. For I am sure that I am not good enough. Not even closer to.