Sunday, November 10, 2013

Leaving The Lights On

Hi assalamualaikum wbt .
good night dearest fellas and readers

Hey peeps , I've found that this song is so similar to my story .
I am quite into it . yeah . .
and I've found the song is great too .
The lyricist is a 16 y/o boy ain't him ? The lyric is also as great as the melody .
Thanks to my younger sister as she's the one introduced this song to me earlier .

I don't really think like the title of this song is understandable . I thought so for the first time I heard and knew about it .
But then , tonight it happened vice versa when I listened to it again
perhaps it's because I've been through into some difficulties in a relationship this couple of days and becoming heart broken . sort of , perhaps , that's why it becomes suddenly easy for me to get the meaning right away after listening to it . lol . Does that make sense ?
Like I've said before , I am into it . Not that quite but actually I am too into it .

Broken windows and the sound of slamming doors
I keep fighting but I don't know what i'm fighting for

When you call my name and try to explain
I just hide behind the lines of the barricades 
It's like I'm never gonna win this war.

Do you realize I don't want you to apologize
and i'm done with your lies
now its time for us to say goodbye
coz at night i don't sleep and you try to break me but I stay strong
so i'm closing my eyes
leaving the lights on.

I kept on falling but I never got to hit that pain
I just got caught up in this moment and inside this game

When you can my name and try to explain
I just hide behind the lines of the barricades 
It's like I'm never gonna win this war.

Do you realise I don't want you to apologise
and i'm done with your lies
now its time for us to say goodbye
coz at night i don't sleep and you try to break me but I stay strong
so i'm closing my eyes
leaving the lights on.

and I just can't go on
and I can't go on
but ill try and be strong
and i'll try and be strong
and I just can't go on
and I can't go on
but ill try and be strong
leaving the lights on.

This is just my point of view . I'm going to talk about the story line of the song . Like it's meaning . Why is that I'm saying it's similar to my story . Why is that I am too into it like understand it  and yada yada yada . lol . I'm not even the lyricist and I am may not even be correct for what I'm going to type next . It ts just my point of view . 

I think that this song travel what inside me and how I wish I could just talk to him through this song . How I wish he'll get the meaning and understand . Will he or will he not ? I am also done with his lies . Hew . . 

To me , leaving the lights on is like a must to get separated even the feeling is not getting over yet . Like there's things inside which is not settled yet . In my case , It is obviously me myself whom thought so that thing's between us is not settle yet . I am not over him .  
Are we done ? Did we make an appropriate settlement ? I mean like , was it true that it's settled between me and him right after we've met on last June 15th and had that so called deeper conversation ? How can he said so ; that we're over ? Yet he still call me late at night saying he missed me . What was that ?  

I am even ask him about his feeling towards me . I need to move on . I need a vivid answer . Enough that I've wasted litters of tear and crying over this mess . * ahh . . even it sounds weak when I'm typing and re-read that word 'litters of tear' .* 

He said that he likes me as a friend . 

He hurts my heart like thousand times .

How can he answered so ? Calmly begin his answer with that such positive word 'like' . *sigh* Was he trying to look good or maintaining nice gentlemen image like he's not the one to blame for what's happening ?
I wish he'll outspokenly said he dislike me or he's over me or he doesn't have any feelings towards me anymore . He needs to be that harsh so I am clear that he's a rubbish from my past , then I could throw it far away from my life . so that he'll just some pieces of memories that I once had and it means nothing important to me .  

I even replied back . I said that I'm quite frustrated that he keeps manipulating his answer with such polite and harmless words . How that's not okay for me . I told him , he's supposed to be frank . just said it out loud that he doesn't have any feelings towards me anymore . That way , it is much easier for me to move on and it'll easier him than being such manipulative with his own words . 

Now I felt dumbfounded . I got the meaning already that ' he likes me ONLY as friend and won't get any further than that ' He did stated that he doesn't like me . I felt that way because I feel like I'm forcing him to say what he's already meant . I just want to heard that unpleasant word of 'dislike' or 'not liking' because I do really want to get rid off him out of my everything . I need that word so that any hope inside me won't arise again the way it was before , after the June 15th conversation .

It's almost 2 in the morning . I'm talking crap . I better stop . 

Again , I like this song . This is what I've felt . what's happening right now is forcing me to stop hoping and liking . he doesn't like me . I fought my day and night before try to forget him without knowing he already got someone else with him . absolutely a foolish . I kept memorized good moments we've been through and experienced together without realizing he's creating his latest moments with someone else . I hid my feeling . I thought it is worth . lol . I hate him for not saying that word 'dislike' . I would labelled him try to take care of his reputation and act like a gentlemen whom not hurting feelings of any girl . soo dramatic .

anyway . don't get misunderstood , my last message had been sent and yeahh . . I've accept every fact about what's happening . I am also accepting words that came out from him . I don't hate him . I am leaving the lights on but no way he'll get a place inside my heart anymore . he's being blacklisted by me and this is truly an over and as we've settled .

this entry is getting longer . I just have fun typing in english . sorry for any mistake . don't get offense .
I accept that things happened for thousand good reasons . I am a muslim girl . knowing that to get involve in this relationship that is a super mistake . I am the one crossed the limit set in Islam to be descent and not getting over board between men and women .  I am regretting it I won't repeat it . I won't crave human's care and love anymore exceptional for family and girlfriends . but not to regret meeting him and not to hate my self for my mistake and dumb ass because this is learning . love is part of learning to let go . quranic verse [ 25 : 20 ]

ahh . . talk crap again .
i'm getting sleepy

bye . assalamualaikum

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