Express(ive)

Hey, nightos ppl (that I doubt are there somewhere coming here to read)...

I am switching from twitter to here this quick since I feel like expressing what I have atm right away. Currently on play; Gnash - Belong (ft DENM).

I am at fault atm. I don't know why thou. the first five second I am feeling so emotional and butt hurt (about to cry too, like seriously me?) getting triggered by something I ain't supposed to get swayed by and five second afterwards I felt ashamed of what I've been feeling all awhile. Being 25 and yet to get emotionally triggered by something and bear the effect you cause by such feelings obviously there's no good thing coming out from it. When I am done cooling down, the damage (if I am not aware of it) might be done already - such as - me, expressing my thoughts emotionally while I am at it; being emotional. 

I feel absurd of my way behaving ; halfway egoistic, halfway guilty, halfway low self-esteem and bla bla bla back to back. all halfway work done is  a reflection of how bad I am as a whole and how good I am on being inconsistent (even upon my own feelings? what a shame tbh).

I noticed that I get easily offended when people are describing myself as somewhat expressive. Even when no one is really saying no to it and I am always open whether to take the words seriously or not, I am always ended up (kinda quickly) taking such comments so negative on me. or at least, I am aware so, rn atm I am typing this. What's happening from that point onward is... I'll be changing myself (or forcing myself to change - since I give a hell damn duh about what people are saying. It is concerning especially when it is hurting) towards other's perception - which I thought is intended harshly and negatively on me. That is too, while justifying myself for doing it. lol as if like I am so persistent on doing it my way. nah. 

so yeah, it's a mess.

NP Gnash - Imagine (ft Ruth B) ; eyy I am grooving to this song. I like it!

Anyway, somehow... 

somewhat I think, 

I am being all that mess since I am not confidence of myself.

I mean...

I am expressive.

I like to voice out what I had in mind (and yeah, not everyone are willing to listen to. and frankly not really anyone to talk to; maybe not yet - especially when you're this fucking talkative, analytics and always had some sort of whatever ideas in mind) ugh.

Thus, I go to socmed,

I believe that it's okay to do so since the stuff I talk about is regarding myself

y'know, like.. so long I ain't going around judging or insulting other's preferences or whatsnot

it's not like I am being expressive regarding others

but rather taking my socmed to somehow as an online jurnal of mine.

I feel the need to express things, because I believe my socmed at least has to have space for me to express out myself, I mean, I am doing it on my page, right? am I not allowed to?

i mean, like everyone is getting that same rights, right? they can do whatever they feel when it is theirs. So why does mine, every time have to sound like a nuisance towards my fellow others/readers/ followers etc? I of course, feel bad about it. thinking if, is it that bad towards others?

NP Sasha Sloan - Older 

It's a thread on my very twitter. not on other's profile no way. I am writing status of my own in my account, writing long captions under my very own uploaded picture. Whilst there's rarely anyone that read those and being concern about what's concerning me... yet there are barely none to not give a damn about it. People (sadly closest, or someone known, or at least relatives) are talking about it like it's a weird thing. Some even jokes about it.

- like this one. back in university, they tease me for writing a super long captions. I was like, bro if you can't do one because simply making one is hard on you, why duh have to bother when I did mine?

You have to watch on your grammar and vocab bro to make one caption like mine, have to get crappy poetic to write poems on captions etc. to have unnecessary ideas, even. I am just polishing my additional useless skills while expressing out what I had, yet on my page. is it that disturbing?

I get kinda sad because I think it has been quite often ; being that kind of expressive (not excessive thou as I recall) and it's being talked upon. you don't talk about what I am writing about. simply talk about, that I write and write a lot. doesn't seem like a complimentary and yet when being said to others it makes me so discourage as if my flaws is being deadly exposed. that is (back to the main thing - low self esteem, my bad. I am at fault for wth this mentality).

at times, when mom's knowing about it. she laughs. 

to be laughable at, I thought it is being dumbfounded or so, something like that.

To me when I feel at ease expressing myself; actually I am doing at a place I feel comfortable at to people I trust (with whatever sort of secrets or opinions I had). But once comments, or complaints come from it... then I was like "oh, I thought he/she is at least okay about it - or about how I am (in being that way). but it turns out, not really. my expressiveness stand out *sigh

what's wrong with posting IG story when I feel like it? when I feel like I am hell in pain and have to be expressive about it? when being expressive can help in lessen it when people closer are in no help at all. I don't even exposing things to strangers but among those I know. I don't get hurt of people who are not concern - since people like that. at average, they give priority to people they choose to and that is so okay and understandable. so can't they just let my lot's of stories slide? that's what I think when people brought it up to others that I chose not to let know things I do online. there must be reasons, right? haih

what is wrong about I type too much when you do not? I have no problem with people when they do things different than mine, when I choose it at first place. I mean, if I am that disturbing... people are always open to left, unfollow etc. mute my status if such loads coming from me is becoming a cumbersome to your eyesight. why not... people are putting me on tight spot. following me while not accepting my writing/posting style on my very on space I thought is mine.

btw. tbh.
it has been long since I posted on instagram and facebook. when people are voicing out things... regardless I still think it's a good thing to be pondered upon. I switch to twitter and whatsapp status... ahh people are still feeling off of my writing. *heartbreak hahah

NP Alec Benjamin - Beautiful Pain . oh shit I cry pfft, blame the chorus that the "pain" being said on repeat. hahahaha

um..

for the time being I less preferred blog. It's tiring to type long oh people, lol.

but since they less prefer seeing my writing on socmed. this might be the last resort I had to feel free voicing what I had at times, *sobs

ok snap it.
I am done with writing.
tbh, a blog entry acquired a longer time than a mere caption or a crappy thread.

okay bye.
last song played before signing out
- Alice Kristiansen ; Moon and Back
since it's a pretty full moon tonight heh

Drama Review : Legend of Fuyao

Hi. Assalamualaikum.

[Disclaimer] First and formost, FYI I don't own any picture/GIF in this posting. Credit goes to it's rightful owner. Thanks! every each is beautiful and irresistable! Secondly, Entry down below is being posted with TWO ALERTS. SPOILER ALLERT and TOO-LONG-POST ALLERT (lol, but true thou). So if you have not yet watch Legend of Fuyao or on your way doing it somehow, I suggest you to not read this crappy stuffs and stuffed your head beforehand. Give it a try yourself and may you get a joy-ride like me. heh. Coming back after feeling unsettled might be necessary afterwards. 

And so it says in the drama - from an empress of Taiyuan to the queen ruler of Xuanji

(and episodes of journey ; hardship, betrayal, romance and friendship in between) 

I ended watching this cdrama just yesterday (thanks to Astro Beyond that it had included this drama in the package). This is my third cdrama as the first one goes to Moonshine and Valentine (aka The Love Knot: His Excellency's First Love) and the second goes to Ten Miles of Peach Blossom (aka Eternal Love). A closest friend of mine suggested this to me knowing I am into those historical-costumed kind of drama (since I am often more into Saeguk-genre kdrama).

This won't really be a review, but rather an opinion of mine or at least thoughts I have since I finished watching it. It left me with feelings. At first an unsettled one. Obviously because of it's ending. Since I don't grasp a better understanding upon it thus I wander (like 24 hours? heh) over the internet to find a better answer for a clearer closure.  And through some reading and listening (and comparing too), like others too... I've made my very own closing for this drama in my head. This is to be explain sooner.

Bad CGI, but still a cute ingot - Yun Bao  
This drama as for me is so worth watching. Ain't a satisfying CGI over all yet not too bad either so long I got the means. Some of it are still so visually captivating, so that's cool enough. Not to forget, including all this, there's a cute ingot named Yun Bao. At first I thought the ingot itself seems a little bit awkward and unstable character, but as I'm getting used to it, I find it so cute and understood it's a character which is actually a loyal pet to the master; no doubt and it is aiding to the main character whenever in need. That being said, I am feeling good about it.

Strong Sub-characters, Sub-plot
But good plot story and especially well portrayed character from the actors/actresses paid it off. Not only the main characters had shown a great character growth and superb emotional expression but I like it that such role being distributed fairly (like I said, this is as for me and per to only my opinion) towards the other characters as well. Like "who's not being entangled with heavy emotions and on?nahh.. everyone did", as I could recall. Or at least almost everyone did more than what I've seen in most of other previous dramas. 
-- Be it the characters when they made it at Taiyuan Kingdom : involving Uncle Zhou, Pei Yuan and Jingchen for Xuanyuan Sect. And Zong Yue, Yun Hen, Qi Yun, Qi Zhen later followed, at the first closure of Taiyuan rebellion (for Xuanyuan's back story), Tiansha Kingdom (with Zhan Beiye and Zhuzhu love progress and Xiao Qi's love too especially greatly exposed when Zhuzhu went blind and when he's holding that fact only too him ; twas heartbreaking. And more and more characters in other following Kingdom as well. I even got heartbreak feels upon the back story of  Zhangsun Jia's wife when they first encounter her in Taiyuan Kingdom's castle (and even later in the revelation before her husband is off to rebel the Tianquan Kingdom where she helps put on his husband armor etc etc.
-- Oh yeah and I like the right-man casts (be it Wuji's, Zhan Beiye's and even Fuyao's with Xiao Qi and Tie Cheng from Yao City. including Yun Hen too!!) all played and express a very good and emotional acting which in fact had leaves impact.

So in short, (to me) this drama is preferable because likely every sub-characters are given their strongly play-with-emotion role, stable character themselves, a very well developed sub-plot with a great back story and explained closure - for each and one sub characters. That is so detailed and not even being wrap in rush or whatsnot. Great work to the writer and actors as for the plot and great acting! *claps

[Diclaimer] I found that some even says like this drama is too draggy and it does not really need to get through like every kingdom actually. It can just be more focus on the main character only. Well I would say, that's unfortunate if it happens that way around since I might missed out the chance to see all other great actors playing our their characters splendidly. They have their own charm and all those one-after-another episode had bring me to such realization. The episodes deserved having them in and s they deserve recognition. Btw, All this so called draggy plot story (involving other character/ sub-characters) are what making the ending make sense (that I'll talk about it way down below).

Evil Characters went Easily Died?
Every character played, especially the main one and the subs (whom turned out to be the ruler over each kingdom - Zhan Beiye for Tiansha, Zhong Yue/as of Yun Hen for Taiyuan, Zhuzhu for Qiongye which is part of the 5 Kingdom thou and Wuji Fuyao respectively for Tianquan and Xuanji) have encounter their own evil character/ villains alongside with each back story. Some claim that villains in this drama dies way too easily as to compare with the hardship protagonist been struggling with while dealing with them or in revenging them. I don't have much issue with how they died tbh and as well seeing this as a so relate-able thing with real life event which eventually give a good reflection throughout the drama. As the saying goes one will reap what they sow, this is what I get to understand in this drama,. Evil characters in this drama were not even died per result of revenged ( being killed by the main characters respectively, some of them not even being killed directly...) Yet as an impact for their evil act and deed that happened between them and others as well and some were because of great resentfulness and regrets towards themselves. This can be seen from Qi Zhen that died killing himself after accidentally killing his daughter (that sacrifices for Zhong Yue), like Pei Yuan ended up being killed by her own maid resulted from her own arrogant, like how Wuji's brother died being killed by his right man because of his own betrayal within the rebellion time, like Zhan Beiheng's died after regretting and reflecting on himself and Zhan Nancheng died being killed by an eunuch (whilst our sub-character feeling so considerate in punishing his own blood brother). So this show that a person hold responsibility of their very own doing. not every evil died from a revenge even when the means to revenge is there. But there's a lot more to it. It is likely a teaching, even when there's no one to revenge against you, justice will prevail and making you pay anyway. You can be killed by others (still) or killing yourself or even getting insane (like Princess Fo Lian). I like it. 

WuFu Couple : the Truest OTP of All
Of course the best thing that would have topped over if there's flaws and making it a worth-watched over again is the chemistry between both leads - a one true pairing. emotion, feelings and characters portrayed by Yang Mi and Ethan Ruan are satisfyingly giving satisfaction as it seems so natural and growing in a follow-able pace (lol please excuse my-made-up English term). Tbh, I was hooked on to keep watching several first episodes because of the role played by the fake Xuanyuan Min and all the flirty thingy attempt he made to Fuyao during they were in Xuanyuan Sect. 

--- Nah I am not too good in being detail. So basically will talk about stuffs in general, not to really compile of which scene in which episodes that they get romantic and all. I bet there are it all in almost 66 episodes. It feels so nice, at times seeing Ethan Ruan playing out his part flirting (and even later admiring and confessing upon his one love; Fu Yao), I even personally the one who fell for him. Is there anyone whose not? hahahah. He's so freaking hot thou.

--- In this drama, it is certain that the message they have is love conquered it all. including the main demon they were purposely have to fight at the end of the day. Their willingness in their love life is understood to be so strong, steadily from the beginning until the last bit of it. and the best about all this lovey-dovey things that it does not get way too cringe - perhaps because of the hardships (like so a lot of struggle) in between had stabilize it too, might as well be. As happy as Wuji or Fuyao could ever be when they are being together, I share the same happiness as well (I believe majority do too, feeling that way). Apart from playing their role splendidly carrying out emotions, they fit well both. Not too much, but a strong statement is acknowledge at the same time.   

Wardrobe Collection

Applause to the costume designer team since I am so love and disturbed (in a very positive way) of almost every costume in the collection. Comparing with TMOPB: Eternal Love, the male wardrobe is what eye-catching to me. But in this one, I see it more with the female attire/costumes. I see layers of tulle, laces, chiffon, organza and obvious silks and satin with great pleats, drapes, patterns and motives. Plus not to mention, a very one stunning embroidery too in several particular emperor-kind attire. Hey, I personally like Fu Yao headpiece when she's in Taiyuan Palace

--- Anyway male costumes are still as pleasing as well. Since I am aware that every kingdom have their own identity of dress code, to me that shows variety (cool then) and detailed. 

Okay so let's talk about the ending, particulary of episode 65 and 66.
Happy Ending but a Loose Closure?
Last 4 episodes (or more than four I bet) really play over my feelings. Be it with the closure Wuji got from his birth-back story followed by his fake emperor father's death (twas sooooooo emotional the same way he was being one at the camp right after the real father's death punishment sort of)
Too many (especially Wuji's) crying/bawling scenes that ended up breaking my heart as well until to the last bit of  the drama (oh maybe not up to the last 20 seconds, heh).

So did they both died? or happily live for ever and after? At first, following just my mere rough understanding after I ended watching.. I prefer them to die (both) rather than they coming back to the five kingdoms like those swords thingy (from the demon/half Fuyao) attack and self-stab ain't affecting their human self at all. I preferer a logical reasoning rather than a happy ending with no justifications. I don't think what I saw at the end of the episode is any familiar kingdom since every kingdom can be recognized by their own element/symbol sort of. It does look like a kingdom but not anything specific for me to judge that they are coming back to the real world/kingdom.

Then I found this. Issa good finale review and so well explained and make sense. I feel relieved after I have understand everything being explained out. I do save in my record, minutes when you can start listening the ending's review. I first marked minutes 19:31 and second on 35:22. Do not hesitate to listen. She gets very detailed and I am surprisingly satisfy. No more loose end and poor closure. I am certain. Alongside listening to this, I bet to admit that this drama ain't really not giving out closure the way people been claiming all along. It is just that I, myself even missed out that some details and at most every single line spoken out by the leads are actually the closure itself and beforehand explaining to what is to happen in the ending scene. 

I am taking the ending as they are both exchanging promises while lying on the Changqing Immortal Shrine's floor (kind of), Wuji respectively completing his mission being responsible to save the world and also to pass the illusion trial wtv that he's been saying about it right before meeting his teacher while Fuyao respectively (too) settling for her part killing the half-soul demon by self-stab herself and later surviving. I am prone to accept that the last scenes is to be taken as the very first actual scene wriiten in the novel and being put last as it ways (the drama) being artistic about the story telling as a whole. They are immortal becoming mortal (and facing trial) and back to immortal as both passed the heavenly trial. (perhaps like all the stuffs are like SuSu/Bai Qian periodically trial being sent down to human world? oh sooo that is the concept. I just suddenly reminded by it.)

Okay, so here's the summary, they were immortals who were born and tested in mortal world. Fuyao was destined to be the demon who would create havoc in mortal world and Wuji was the one who should destroy her. So we get to see Wuji receives immortal punishment in ancient firmament and if he's able to pass through that, he'll be an immortal again, and Fuyao stabs herself in order to destroy the demon within her. So those are their ultimate trials. Then they live happily ever after. Cre: from it's top reply