February: 040213

Assalamualaikum again.

I baru habis breakfast.
pastu terus mengadap laptop.
hmm.. teruk sangat ke?
ishx3 *gelengkepala*

wanna talk about what was happened on this date - Monday -  first week of February

ehem.. Bismillahirramnirrahim ~

that love shape doesn't mean I am in love with that person. It shows my heart, my thought 

and what I felt that day. How I describe the situation through my drawing. k abaikan

Ingat tak dlm entry sebelum aku ada bagitaw yang ade member aku ne hangin dgn someone

and blax3 sampailah lastly, aku yang terasa bhw post itu ditujukan untuk aku.

Hari Isnin yang ditunggu-tunggu telah pun tiba-tiba. 

As the time flies sepanjang nak ke hari Isnin tuuu, semakin lama instict aku and zonn (sangkaan) aku bhw post tuu dituju untuk aku jadi semakin kuat. I didn't make a just stupid assumption ok. It is based on reaksi dia dan ade laaa lg mnde yang aku perasan 'bout his changes towards me when I try to make conversation w/ him.

oleh sbb tu lahh, bile kitorg bump into each other Isnin tuh, aku sendiri tak dpt nak elak dr avoid dia. mindset aku memang dah konpem dulu yang 'what's happening is so true between he and me.' something's not right somewhere.

aku banyak kali gak pikey pasal mnde ne as a huge prob. sort of. Tipu laaa kalaw tak pikey sbb life aku jadi tak aman sejahtera disebabkan mende ne. and well... saked jugak rsenye bile perkataan 'khianat' tuu dok terulang tayang je dlm kepala aku.
sungguhlaaa, mamat ne punye status buad aku tak tdo mlm pikey tang mana aku dah khianat die.

"Damn Eizah, how could you act so rude towards a person sampai sanggup khianat dia? He did no mistakes that deserves such 'khianat' from you, right?"

"I am his friend. yes we're not close towards each other but I try to be good to him. I even put some effort so he knows I could be trusted and I did respect him as friend. The way he did towards me too."

"If it's true related to me, why it has to be like this? Why don't he give explanation so I won't be too worried thinking this and that."

"Am I that jerk? *sigh*"

"Me too. I smile in front of people but it never have to be the same inside"

kau jugak yang ckp camtuh. dan aku tumpang merasa.

huaaaaa!!! *monologdalamanakuh*

so back to hari Isnin...
pas rehat. entah camne. Time tu kelas aku tgh free. and kelas dia pon tgh free. Time kitorang jumpe tuh, aku da dpt tahu secara sebenar-benarnya yg.... it's true. as I expected. Memang aku yang khianat dia. memang dia tujukan status tuuu utk aku. *sigh*

at first I was a lil bit mad. He was too relax for the conversation. Like, 'heyy c'mon la weh.. kau marah aku kan? tunjuk laa cm kau marah. Kat stats kau kemain lagi bengang. Kenapa tak tunjuk dpn aku so aku dapat gambaran yg jelas bhw kau mmg tgh marah aku? tunjuklah supaya aku tak ambil ringan je mende neh memandangkan aku da buad kau kecewa.' *nampakcamakupulakkyangemonye*

Tapi aku pon stammer je bile berdepan mcm tu nak dgr explanation dr dia. nk ckp hape pon mcm tak keluar je. Krik krik krik je lebeyh. dy kata dy ok. dy tanya aku, ak ok tak? aku jwb laa, aku tgh feel cm dkt luar. Time tuu dkt luar tgh hujan (nmpk tak yg ak poyo bermajaz segala) and aku tanya dy pulakk. kau seryes ke ok? and die ckp mnde yg same je mcm yg aku ckp. cuma dy tambah "lg lebat laaa dr yg tu" (dy bermajaz juge rupenye)

aku tanya dy pasal apa bole keluar stas tuu n kenapa aku.. maka die pon bgtahu laaa. dy kata dy tak marah. tapi dy tersangatamatlah kecewa dgn aku. n sejujurnya, perkataan kecewa yg keluar dr mulut dy tu laaa yg buad aku sgt kecewa sbb mnde tuh dah terjadi. aku kecewa mnde tu dah jd. aku kecewa ak terlepas pndg mnde tu. ak kecewa ak da kecewakn dy. even dy kate dy ok, buad masa skrg, ak rse bab friendship ak nan dy neh, mmg akn jd mcm hampagas *Iamscepticalkan?*. ak bru je jdik member dy kott last year, dan alhamdulillah sgt even bru nk suit towards each other... bole kte rapat lah gak. (klw x, xkan smpi dy bgtaw ak mnde yg dy tak bgtaw org laen.) And skrg aku da destroy mnde tuh. Bg aku, bab trusworthy ne even someone tu kate dy okey pada orang yang da khianat dy pon, things are not going to be the same.
People will not trust you even they're okay with you once you betray them. Aku tersangatla pegang phrase ne as a theory. and mnde ne buad aku sedih.

Afterwards, sekali lg kitorang jumpe. Ade sorang lagi dgn kitorang and perbincangan paling terbuka dan pling berterus-terang dlm sejarah hidup aku telah berlaku ketika ini. Malas nak cte pasal mnde tuu. Let just siapa yg terlibat je yg tahu apa yg jadi. Apapun, things got settled. Alhamdulillah.

again sorry.
kadangx2 bile buad org yg rapat dgn kite nanges tnpa kite taw... sumpah tuu mmg awful.
and I am awful. Kasyaf, kau mmg kuattabahkental, segala laaaa.
tak sngka mlm yg aku dah khianat die, rupanye ak da buad kau terluke.
damn sorry sangat beb.

aasif.

FINISH
adioss

#ayatc amhampeh je, dgn short form dan bhse rojak yang tah pape. sorry gak pada yang terbaca entry serabuttt neh. u.u"